Because of you:
I lied to my friends.
I lied to the cops.
I lied to my dad.
I lied to myself.
Because of you:
I am scared.
I've felt like a prisoner in my own home.
I turn my house alarm on.
I've lost any feelings of security.
I've had the cops at my house.
Because of you:
I've lost friends.
I've lost weight.
I've lost sleep.
I've lost time.
I've lost my mind.
I've lost respect.
And I just about lost myself completely.
Because of you:
I haven't been able to love anyone else.
I have tried to forge relationships with others, only to have them all end in pain.
I bought a house.
Because of you:
I've stayed up nights googling why you never cared.
I found out what a narcissist is.
I found out how serious porn addiction is.
Because of you:
I hate my job.
I've called in sick so I wouldn't have to see you.
I've left work in tears.
I've lost respect from coworkers.
I've had my personal business talked about at work.
Because of you:
I became the other woman.
I learned how to sneak forbidden touches.
I had to buy a secret phone.
I felt shame.
Because of you:
I have been lied to daily.
I have been disrespected more in 7 years than most people are in a lifetime.
Because of you:
I became someone I did not recognize.
I was living an unhappy life.
I drank.
I left a perfect lifestyle with an honest and real man.
I quit living when you left for a week.
I cussed both parents out.
I was a shell of myself.
Because of you:
I have cried in front of my daughter.
I have broken down in front of her.
I have ignored my daughter to deal with you.
I have raised my voice at her after arguing with you.
I was a zombie on her first birthday.
I have had to apologize to my daughter.
You gave me no love, no concern, no time, no understanding, no attention, no friendship, no joyful memories, no respect, no honesty, no boundaries, no reason, no ANYTHING.
You gave nothing of yourself to me.
Except amazing sex. But that's all. And that's nothing.
You ruined my first Christmas with my daughter. You ruined our first New Years. You ruined every single day I held special at one point. You ruined the life I could have had.
All I ever wanted from you, was your fucking attention. Your attention.
All I ever wanted to do, was take care of you and love you.
All I ever needed from you, was a hug.
You have lied to my face every single damn day that I've known you.
You ignored me when I asked for your help.
You ignored me when I called in tears.
You ignored me when I needed your friendship the most.
Reading what I've written-
Realizing how I sound-
Understanding how I look-
ALL of this-is MY fault.
I should have turned and ran from you the first time I ever spoke to you.
I should have-but I didn't.
And now I am left here, alone, to pick up the shredded pieces of my life.
Loving you turned me into someone I pray to never meet again.
Loving you almost made me go crazy.
Loving you made me loose friends.
Loving you literally almost killed me.
I REGRET YOU AND THE AMOUNT OF TIME I LET YOU STAY IN MY LIFE.
I am embarrassed at how long it took me to walk away.
I look forward to the day I wake up and realize I no longer care about you.
I don't care what you tell people anymore.
I don't care what bullshit you come up with.
I don't care who you fuck or what you do with your free time anymore.
I just want you to leave me and my daughter alone.
Stay away from us and stay out of our lives.
I lied to my friends.
I lied to the cops.
I lied to my dad.
I lied to myself.
Because of you:
I am scared.
I've felt like a prisoner in my own home.
I turn my house alarm on.
I've lost any feelings of security.
I've had the cops at my house.
Because of you:
I've lost friends.
I've lost weight.
I've lost sleep.
I've lost time.
I've lost my mind.
I've lost respect.
And I just about lost myself completely.
Because of you:
I haven't been able to love anyone else.
I have tried to forge relationships with others, only to have them all end in pain.
I bought a house.
Because of you:
I've stayed up nights googling why you never cared.
I found out what a narcissist is.
I found out how serious porn addiction is.
Because of you:
I hate my job.
I've called in sick so I wouldn't have to see you.
I've left work in tears.
I've lost respect from coworkers.
I've had my personal business talked about at work.
Because of you:
I became the other woman.
I learned how to sneak forbidden touches.
I had to buy a secret phone.
I felt shame.
Because of you:
I have been lied to daily.
I have been disrespected more in 7 years than most people are in a lifetime.
Because of you:
I became someone I did not recognize.
I was living an unhappy life.
I drank.
I left a perfect lifestyle with an honest and real man.
I quit living when you left for a week.
I cussed both parents out.
I was a shell of myself.
Because of you:
I have cried in front of my daughter.
I have broken down in front of her.
I have ignored my daughter to deal with you.
I have raised my voice at her after arguing with you.
I was a zombie on her first birthday.
I have had to apologize to my daughter.
You gave me no love, no concern, no time, no understanding, no attention, no friendship, no joyful memories, no respect, no honesty, no boundaries, no reason, no ANYTHING.
You gave nothing of yourself to me.
Except amazing sex. But that's all. And that's nothing.
You ruined my first Christmas with my daughter. You ruined our first New Years. You ruined every single day I held special at one point. You ruined the life I could have had.
All I ever wanted from you, was your fucking attention. Your attention.
All I ever wanted to do, was take care of you and love you.
All I ever needed from you, was a hug.
You have lied to my face every single damn day that I've known you.
You ignored me when I asked for your help.
You ignored me when I called in tears.
You ignored me when I needed your friendship the most.
Reading what I've written-
Realizing how I sound-
Understanding how I look-
ALL of this-is MY fault.
I should have turned and ran from you the first time I ever spoke to you.
I should have-but I didn't.
And now I am left here, alone, to pick up the shredded pieces of my life.
Loving you turned me into someone I pray to never meet again.
Loving you almost made me go crazy.
Loving you made me loose friends.
Loving you literally almost killed me.
I REGRET YOU AND THE AMOUNT OF TIME I LET YOU STAY IN MY LIFE.
I am embarrassed at how long it took me to walk away.
I look forward to the day I wake up and realize I no longer care about you.
I don't care what you tell people anymore.
I don't care what bullshit you come up with.
I don't care who you fuck or what you do with your free time anymore.
I just want you to leave me and my daughter alone.
Stay away from us and stay out of our lives.
Everyday you need to read this. Read it when you wake up. Read it when you feel weak. Read it when you feel sad. Read it when you start trying to convince yourself that maybe this time will be different.
ReplyDeleteThese are your words. They are powerful. Don't let them be wasted.