Don'tRemindMe

but it's so cute-why?

Same question, presented many ways, spoken only when someone heard I was selling the house.

I'll tell you some of the reasons why. I'll second guess my decision. I'll sadly look around with a painful reflection. Then I am quickly reminded of why I can't stay.

I have to leave this house.
It's not because the windows in the back are crooked.
It's not because the plumbing needs to be redone.
The stained carpet had no part in my decision,
just like the lack of storage didn't even come up.

I loved that house and would have stayed forever.
I could have fixed the pipes and ripped up the carpet.
I could have made that back bathroom bigger.
Insulation could have been sprayed underneath, and
painting could have changed things up.

But no amount of repairs, or updates could change my reason.

because my reason-was him.

You saw a corner of a fence in the back yard. I saw him building it.
You saw a swing hanging from a tree. I saw him making it safe for the little girl he let call him daddy.
When you would hear a neighbor mowing their yard, I would remember him choosing a mower over me.

He was in that house.
He was the reason that house was purchased.
He was the one it was meant for.
So now-when you see the fence I built, I see the tears I let fall in the dirt.

I couldn't stay. Not if I wanted to remain someone intact.
and no-I can't escape the memory that follows me, but it will fade in time.
In that house I was waiting.
In that house I was wasting away.
I was losing myself.

I still have moments when I can't breath, but I know they too will fade.

I needed a fresh start.
I needed to get away.
I needed to learn how to breath again.

So yes. Cute it was. Perfect area I know. Awesome set-up for me and the kid.

The cost was just too high.