Addictions Transfered.

When I look back at the past 10 years of my life- I have at some point been addicted to something or someone. 

In college, I found my drug of choice. Cocaine was my love.

When I moved back home, I had my Loma AND cocaine.

After Loma died, I was in to anything that took away my thoughts, my pain.

 Pills-don't mind if I do. Alcohol-the more the better.

I tried to kill myself with substances for 2 1/2 years.

2 1/2 years. 

2 1/2 years of not giving a shit. Of praying each night for death. Of hating to be sober. Of hating life.

Then I found my TS. He gave me a smile that I thought I had lost. So yep-you guessed it--5 years of addiction to a person. Just like any addiction, this one pained me, made me cry, at times made me crawl into a corner and have massive breakdowns. What an awesome 5 years. 

And if I was truly honest with myself, this is the addiction that was the hardest to break.

I overcame cocaine. 

I overcame alcohol.

I overcame TS. 

It took church. It took exercise. It took prayer, prayer, prayer and more prayer. (and yes-exercise became an addiction too)

Now I am in an 'addictionless' limbo. 

No more drugs. 

No more alcohol.

No more man. 

No more exercise.

And food---well, I can go days without eating. I just eat shit for food.

Just like she said-I do need to be addicted to Jesus. I need saving from myself.