Crocodiles Don't Live In Your Nose And I'm Positive The Dogs Aren't Farting In Your Mouth.

An afternoon of conversation.
Only my half is accounted for.


-Don't put that shoe in your mouth...
-What is....wait..do you have a q-tip in your mouth?
-Yes I saw Ottis snap at you, but baby, stop trying to put toys in his butt.
-So...Molly peed in your bed?
-Your feet are not yummy.
-No. Your feet do not get hungry. I will not feed them. Get. Them. Off. The. Table.
-No. I'm not going to ask your foot nicely.
-Hello Miss Foot. Will you let Lyric eat and she'll play later?
-Sorry. Miss Yummy Foot.
-That's not a watermelon, it's a lemon. 
-Get down off that.
-Do NOT put your head in the toilet!
-Please...tell me I didn't see you just lick the toilet.
-Oh, Molly did it?
-There's nothing to be scared of-there's no such thing as monsters.
-Well, yes. He is, but I don't think cookie monster will steal your cookies
-No, I don't want to talk to your foot.
-That's not a watermelon, it's a lemon. 
-But you ate macaroni last night.
-Yes, small boobies.
-Farts are not your booty laughing.
-No, your feet are still not yummy.
-It's not a boo boo, it's a pimple.
-So Molly pooped in your diaper?
-Get that out of your mouth.
-Don't lick that.
-And def don't lick that ya nasty ass.
-Don't say ass.
-No, I don't want to talk to your foot.
-I'm not leaving, I'm going to the bathroom.
-No, I'm not making booty laughs.
-I can't spin in circles or I'll get sick.
-Get off me, I'm sick.
-Don't lick me.
-It's a hot dog. You liked them two days ago.
-but this is a diggity dog.
-How is swiper going to come swipe your cookies?
-Cookie monster is a sweet monster.
-Your foot is not hungry.
-Get that out of your mouth.
-I just picked all that crap up kid.
-Don't say crap.
-Or ass.
-You can't get out of the tub with soap in your hair.
-Dude. If you open your eyes, the bathroom won't be dark anymore.
-I. AM.  GIVE. ME. A. SECOND.  shit
-No, you can't say that either.
-Hi Miss Yummy Foot....may I wash you with soap?
-Hmm. You're right. Cookie Monster doesn't have a nose.
-Kid, it is attached to your body, you don't have to keep your hands on it at all times.
-I'm trimming your nails kid, not ripping your fingers off. 
-No, I don't want to smell your booty.
-Well it doesn't smell funny. 
-No more marshmallows.  
-Stop spitting
-I don't want to talk to your foot.
-No, we cannot go see crocodiles, it's time for bed. 
-You've already got 27 blankets kid, how many more do you need?
-No, go to sleep. 
-But. We. Just. Read. That. Book. 

-You're my favorite person too little kid. 

-What are you doing up?



-Ugh. Good night Miss Yummy Foot. Sleep good.


And this was only Tuesday.