to you i am nothing-but to me, i'm fucking hilarious. AND worth it.

my thoughts tend to trip over each other.
they are obsessive.
they are comical.
they are confusing.

your sudden disappearance was expected, yet still painful.
a thousand words finally fall into a decipherable "thought".....

it really sucks that it took me so fucking long to realize how little you actually cared about me. Or rather, how you didn't care at all. 

sadness.
anger.
acceptance.
hope.
regret.
anger.
anger.
sadness.
acceptance.
weakness.
anger.
sadness.
sadness.
sadness.
emptyness.
sad.
breathing.
hope.
acceptance.
sadness.
anger.
ANGER.
clarity.
anger.
forgiveness.
awakened.
forgiveness.
breathing.
hope.
smiles.

the next stage, I do believe, is happiness. the real kind.

I finally took the power back from you.

You can no longer cause me pain.
THAT....is something to be more than happy about.

I love you. I do.I'm afraid I always will.
but..there are times when the broken pieces of me wish for karma to find you and allow you to be treated the way you treated me. to let you feel the sadness that I felt after loving you for so long. to see if you'd survive being treated as though you were invisible and unimportant. 

then I realize I don't really wish those things on you.
because like I said before, I love you.
and besides-I don't know what happened to you to turn you into such a horrible person-and it's not my place to judge you.
so I don't.
instead of judging, hating, crying, and missing you......
I pray for you.
I pray you are one day healed
that you become whole again. that you find the peace you deserve.
I truly believe that underneath your demons...you're a beautiful, loving, good-hearted person.
I hope you find that person someday.

that's the truth,
and the end.