Cry no more.

I have let so many people into my life that have used me and treated me badly.
I can count on one hand the people that truly respect me. And it's all my fault. I allow users and abusers and liars in my life daily. Don't even get me started on men. Wait..."men". The past several males I have allowed to come into my life and effect me, have just walked all over me. Or more like stomped all over me and shit on my doorstep while walking out.
I wonder why.
Why do I let this keep happening?
As young girls we are supposed to look to our father's for  love a reassurance. Well, problem #1.
For thirty years I've been told I wasn't good enough. 
Too weird to get a man. 
Too mean to get a man. 
Boobs too small.
Getting too chunky.
Too many pimples.
Stupid vagina instead of dick. 

In my family, it was work before family. TV as a babysitter/mother. Hugs were non-existent. Love was a word rarely spoken.

I will forever be grateful to my friend Lindsey's family. Her weird ass family HUGGED me the first time they met me. HUGGED!! What?!? When you walked out of the room they'd say "I love you" and MEANT IT. Alien territory for the girl forgotten about because work deadlines were more important. 
And then back to reality.
My disrespectful dad makes fun of me on a daily basis.
He tells anyone and EVERYONE that I will never find a man. 
Oh-and he is so so proud of his protege. Drugs and all.

{{deep breath}}

My name is Lisa. I have small boobs and my face is broken out at times. I am single and pregnant. 
I. Am. Happy. 
And truthfully.....if some women end up marrying guys like their fathers...I WILL REMAIN SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 
You rude fuck.
I will not waste anymore tears on the hurtful words and actions that come from you.


{{deep breath}}

God has his plan. And I am patient.